4 posts tagged “movies”

I saw this thread over at chowhound and thought it was fun. How many fictional food and drink products can you name from movie and television, will except popular literature as well. There was a lot more posted but here are the ones I came up with.

Frogurt - Simpsons
Gummi Berry Juice - Disney's Gummi Bears
The Honker Burger - Doug
Buzz Beer - Drew Carey Show
The Flaming Moe - Simpsons
Chewlies Gum - Clerks
Tomacco - Simpsons (hybrid tomato tobacco fruit)
Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Butter Beer - Harry Potter
Fizzy Lifting Drinks - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Big Kahuna Burger - Pulp Fiction
Smurfberries - The Smurfs
Booty Sweat energy drink - Tropical Thunder

Can you name any others?

I know I'm highly critical of tv and movie screenplays. Writing is an art form and it should be treated as such and not as a vehicle to fame, fortune or one of those silly gold statues. I like original screenplays best but there is something to be said about a person who can adapt a screenplay from a book and still do justice to that book. That is a hard job and one I wouldn't find all to fun since I like to be the one creating things.

Is it so bad to be so critical though? There is a lot of trash, remakes, and ideas that are far less original then the creator will ever let you believe. In writing there are no new ideas just old ideas retold, reworked and spit out purely for the sake of making money, or gaining noteriety. It's so easy to take ideas from others these days, In the caveman days the storytellers would have to travel to other villages and hide in bushes waiting to here a story told by that village's story teller. He'd have to paint on a stone to remember the story and then memorize it for his villages' next story telling meeting over a hot fire.

If there is one thing I could tell future screenplay writers it is to stop trying to be someone else. Kevin Smith is Kevin Smith, there is never going to be another Kevin Smith, You can not do what he does. Nor can you be Harmony Korine, Sophia Coppola, Christopher Nolan, Amy Heckerling, or Diablo Cody. While you can learn a lot from them and their styles you need to find out who you are and how you can be a great original story teller.

Superbad was horrible. My appologies to Seth Rogan but you dusted that script off out of a box your mom had given you or all the things from your room as a kid you left behind. If I didn't know any better you wrote it when you were a 15 year old boy. Superbad's popularity hinges on the fact that the only people who find it funny are those who are 15 year old boys at heart. Superbad lacks the kind of clever humor that kevin smith makes look easy. There is an art to the dick and fart joke because there is more to the dick and fart joke, than just dicks and farts.

You may be wondering why I listed Sophia on there. She is one of those writers that can adapt a screenplay. She gets a lot of shit for being a Coppola because we just expect her to be good because she had an advantage. Well she's a horrible actress and I'm glad she realized that, she has the potential to be a great director and maybe even bring home one of those silly little gold statues in the art of directing, which would be a woman first she is only one of the 3 women ever to be even nominated for directoring.

I was discussing award winning screenplays the other day and realize that there are some I may disagree. While I found Good Will Hunting to be written wonderfully I just couldn't see Ben or Matt really being able to put it all together. They would have needed some help much like a ghost writer for a celebrity book. They did have the idea for the story long before they were famous and I do believe that they wrote in bulk the story but the good payoffs, the little gems, just didn't seem like something they could write. They needed someone to tell them how to put things together, It's in the details. Their script supervisor was none other than Harmony Korine, (Kids, Gummo).

I'm sure Matt and Ben wrote out the bar scene in which Matt delieves the "How ya like them apples" line but Korine had to have been the one orchastrating it. Great Screenwriters are the whole band, they play the tuba, the woodwinds, the percussion, and every other instrument in the band, they are also the composer, the maestro. Ben and Matt did not have all of that, they came with the rock band wanted to turn it into a jazz band and then had Korine be the composer. I give them credit for their ideas but I just wish Korine had been included because with him I'm not sure it would have been the same outcome.

The other I may disagree with is Diablo Cody for her win for Juno. She is the reincarnation of the village story teller that hides in the bushes. I'm not doubting that she can write, she has shown that she can write I'm just unsure about her soulfulness. I don't think she puts her full self into her writing. I'm unsure of her intentions as a writer. Do you love to write or are you just in it for the attention? She wrote Juno which was probably loosely based on the idea of Jeni, Juno , about two teenage lovers facing pregnancy. The story is different but I'm sure it's not a coincidence where she got the idea and story line from. Some say she is a master at melting different stories together to create something different but still not originally hers. 

She is also the creator and writer of United States of Tara. She doesn't write all of the episodes but I have to say the concept is great but the actually story is lacking a bit because there is so much you can do with this story line. Toni Collette is solid and keeps the crazy ship afloat with her acting because she knows not to over act. The cast is good, and oh my,  John Corbett is the hottest he's ever been. It's the short hair I'm digging him with short hair. Okay enough about my obssession with him, I'll save that for a later entry,

The show aggrivates me because just as it's getting good, it goes back to being too safe. Writers must not censor their own work, they must go for it. Let others ask you to reel it in. Diablo Cody you have to show us you have really balls tucked up underneath that stripper g-string you wear so well. Also with all of this it makes me think you aren't even worthy of the stripper/pen name "Diable Cody". maybe you should change it to "Soft Dirty Colby Cheese".

Calilfornication is well written except I have one problem. The idea that Mia could steal Hank's book, rewrite enough of it to make it look like her own and then pass it off to the same publishing company and agency as Hank without anyone knowing. After all the episodes in which Hank is praised for his "unique writing style".

How I Met Your Mother is easily the best sitcom on network television. It's clever and even when it's not being clever it's still pretty good. They are masters at establishing and audience and keeping the audience. The characters are solid, some jokes build up over time, and they just have some great pay offs in terms of network tv. They also find some very comedic ways to get around censorship. I mean who could not love a sitcom with one liners such as "This burger is so good I want to sew my ass shut", and "burgasm". I dare anyone to tell me that there is a better current network sitcom that is in production today.

... but since I'm making a highly critical post about writing I will include that Dr. Seuss was shot down by a hundred or so publishers before Random house took a chance on him. So every writer is worth a second, third or even a hundredth look into. Passion can move mountians but it helps to take a writing class or two.  

I refuse to write on the IMDB forums about this because so many people have thier heads screwed on backwards. You have to be looking at your ass, or have your head up your ass to think that Christian Bale was right in yelling at the Director of Photography for 4 minutes in a tirade because the DP was in his eyeline.

One such asshole writes: Bale was in the right, it is rude to be in an actors eyeline.

The truth is that it is not rude. There are alot of people on the set that all make the film process possible. To make a film possible you need 4 major things without any one of them the film could not happen. The Script, the Talent, cameras and Light/Power. If the Electrics decided to turn off the generator and go home you could not make a film in the dark. All of these things must work together.

The DP is an esteemed position. It's a position that is and should be respected.It takes years of experience and knowledge and paying your dues working in lower positions. It's an art form in itself and one that is awarded an Oscar every year. Bale needs the dp to light the scene and to make him look good. He is essencial.

Not all actors ask that you stay out of the eyeline just the pretencious egotistical ones like Jamie Foxx and Bale. It's a cop out when they mess up. You're paid to do a job and to do it well not to have someone baby you and wipe your ass. Act, that is what you get paid to do.

So what was the DP doing anyway. He was tending to a light because he was doing his job. He was putting out the effort to keep everything looking good so that they wouldn't have to shoot the scene again. He wasn't all up in Bales face he was just doing his job when Bale messed up and because Bale is such a fuckwad he decided to blame everything on him.

Why not just admit it. I fucked up the lines, lets do this again. Also why take yourself so fucking seriously. You are an ACTOR not a Cardiothoracic Surgeon where there are no do overs. There are do overs in acting stop being a fucktard.

Now someone else mentions the director and why he didn't step in as Bale went off on a tirade for over 4 minutes? The Director of Terminator Salvation is McG, who is more known for directing and producing music videos and the tv show Chuck than anything else. I'm sure he's a fully capable director but he isn't an A list Director. Unfortunately in the movie business this A list B list category happens above the line. This is how it works,

An A list director such as Spielberg, Soderbergh, and Scorsese will always hold the reigns and be in charge even over A list Actors. A list actors are able to over ride some decisions sometimes, including changes in script, which I think is bullshit. You are an Actor not a writer you have no business changing someone elses script. 

An A list Director can reign them in and settle them down and put them in their place, but if you have a B list director, a director that is up and coming, still a little green or not quite there yet to be considered A list then and A list actor can over ride their decisions.

Unfortunately McG doesn't have the experience of dealling with such massive douchebag A list actors. He can only try and control what happens when the cameras are rolling and not anything outside of that relm.

So to Bale congratulations on being a tool without a cause, a guy that is not only the douche bag but also the douche nozzle. You deserve shit because you are shit. You deserve to eat shit. This is why you deserve Shit on a plate.

Shit on a Plate

1 comment

 Cheers to you Mr. Bale for recieving the Shit on a Plate award for the end of January.

I dvred a showtime showcase movie with the most brilliant title name ever. Areola 51. Plot line is: A woman abducted by aliens for sexual purposes recounts her experiences to a government agent.

This is going to be awesome!